I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
