how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
