my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
