I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
