She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
