I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
