Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
