I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
