I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
