you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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