there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
