i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
