YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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