Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
