barbara walters just said penis...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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