as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
