Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
