You work out of a Hotel?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
