i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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