I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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