Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
