A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
