I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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