I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
