Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
