We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
