I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
