I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
