I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
