i just had sex bonerless
Too much gin, very little bucket
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
