The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
