I'm so fucking centered right now
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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