True but thats because hes a fetus.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
