what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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