i permit you to call me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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