Christians are straight up FREAKS
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
