Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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