I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
