Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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