She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
