I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
