dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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