Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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