Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I smell stomach acid.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you made out with another girl for some wings
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
