Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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