Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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