you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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