i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
