You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
