I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
