So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
