I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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