I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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