There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
