i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
