i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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