there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
