I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
